A Love - Hate Relationhip

I admit it,

I'm a sucker for mystery, history, intrigue . -- Always have been.

Growing up, my dad read Nancy Drew Novels to me every night without fail.

I also have an affinity for Thriller movies, James Patterson and Mary Higgins Clark Novels- although most of the time they scare my out of my bloody wits!

But, when I heard stories of the Intermountain Indian School, I knew I had to see it for myself.

Some background: The Intermountain Indian school was actually first, A hospital and recovery facility for wounded WWII soldiers- up until the end of the war.  It is a set of large, 2 story buildings, most of which are intercoonnected by their hallways.  During the war, there were a set of underground tunnels that interconnected all of the buildings.in case of a need for evacuation. 

{this is what it looked like then}

After the hospital closed, the federal government gave the place a total remodel (something like $3million) and  funded a boarding school for Navajo kids elementary through high school.

Everything I've read about that time says that the students were happy and that it was a good school, so no creepiness lurks about from that time...I think.

Anyway, fast forward to today.  The place has been empty since 198- something, and is now completely boarded up.  Over the years, teenagers and gang members have entered the place on a dare.  The school is full of graffiti and vandalism, and is in really run down shape. There are rumors of ghostly activity and satan worship throughout the building.  For me though, it's just interesting to explore what was. 

The first time we went up, we drove around the large property and were able to find ONE window that wasn't boarded up. (at least on the ground floor) we climbed through armed with all our camera gear, excited to explore.  

First of all, we had to be pretty careful about this.  on wandering the street beforehand, we ran into some kids.  we asked them if they'd been in the building, and they told us there was an old woman near by who always called police if she saw any activity.  

Anyway, we should have thought to bring a flashlight, since all the windows are boarded up, it is pitch black inside.  Luckily, some of the second story windows are open, and the center building had a fire on the top level, leaving it without a roof- so we got some light.

I have to tell you, that first trip was the scariest thing ever.  I've always been kind of scared of the dark, but this was something else. 

As soon as I climbed in the window, "Old" filled my nose. Dark, dusty, musty. lonely.  Wandering the halls of the school in the dark was such a different experience.  Walls were stripped of thier sheetrock, gaping holes left in others where the wiring had been pulled out, and the crunch of glass beneath my feet.

I had to wonder why this was?  Sure, the building was abandoned, but why was it torn apart?

It seems that not all of it was from vandals-- but that's a definite possibility .  The only furnishings left were toilets sinks and a stove.  Most of the walls were boring off white, with the occasional mint green or yellow or puce walls.  The silence was deafening.  Although close to the road and to housing, the school felt like a black hole.  

As we made our way to the top floor, boards creaked, floors sagged, and the smell of burning became more apparent.  We made it to the floor with no roof, and were surprised to find grass growing from the rubble on the floor!  We were two stories up! 

Let me interject here that I do not reccommend doing this.  In fact, it's pretty stupid.  who knows what the structural integrity of this place is?  And surely, that top floor was exposed both to fire and the weather for I don't know how many years......yeah.....we aren't very smart sometimes.

Anyway, on the way out, we walked past a room- just a regular room as far as i can tell.  It had no door, but was black inside. As I walked by it, I got the worst sick feeling.  I knew that I should NOT go in that room.  In fact, we hurried right past it.

Now, I could have just been spooked by the entire experience, or it could have been something legit.  I don't think I'll ever know, but what I do know is; I'm not going to meddle.  {well, anymore than i already have}

I took a lot of photos that day.  Some with film, some with digital.  Unfortunately, I have lost all my digital photos but two  {long story}  I have yet to develop the film, when i do, I'll post those photos.  As for the two I have left, here they are:

I wish I still had some of the creepier photos.  Dang it.

Anyway, while looking for things to do over Memorial Day weekend, we decided to revisit.  I was incredibly hesitant because it was so scary last time.  But, once again, I couldn't resist a good intrigue.  So we packed ourselves some lunches and set out for good ol' Peach City.

This time, our window was boarded up, but we were able to find another on a different piece of the property.  Conveniently, there was a sink propped up outside the open window, which we were able to use as a step- although me and my short self had to get a GIANT boost from Nick anyway....

we entered what used to be a bathroom, with lots of sunlight pouring into the open window

And proceeded to wander

We didn't stay too long.  Maybe 15 minutes.  This part of the building wasn't as dark as the last one, but for some reason, I was more scared.  Maybe I've become less of a hoodlum, or maybe there was something to be afraid of.

My imagination takes me to some pretty crazy places- having read all those books and watched all those movies.  Seeing chalkboards and shelving makes me picture what life was like in this building when it was used- like a flashback from the movies.  It's all too eerie.  Stupid kids have spray painted the walls with things such as "turn back now, you're gonna die!"  It's silly.  

There have been dozens of claims that the place is haunted, that doors open, footsteps are heard and that glass breaks.  while walking through, I half expected these things to happen, although they never did.  

Part of me thinks that it's just an old building fallen victim to vandals and rumors, but another part of me wonders if it is haunted.  I do believe that supernatural things happen- especially when you bring them about.  Remember what I said about not meddling?  Either way, it's a creepy place with a creepy history, and a pretty stupid thing to do.

Like I said, my imagination is wild, and to me, this place feels like it's lonely, like it has a story to tell, and that it's angry about it. 

To describe this place in one word, I'd definitely choose "angry".

And now for something happy!

Well, here goes...

     So, after all of the time and effort that Dani has put into this fantastic blog, I guess it is about my turn to write my two cents.  It won't be hard to tell the difference between my stuff and Dani's, because mine will be the ugly plain stuff, and hers will be interesting and pretty!  This will be fairly brief, but I wanted to write a little bit, because writing has been on my mind lately.

     I just finished reading The Green Mile, by Stephen King, and it was amazing.  It is one of those books that makes me want to write about the things around me.  Not the writing that would say, "I am sitting in a chair, typing on a computer.", but the kind of writing that describes smells, tastes, colors, and makes you actually think you are there.  That is all well and good, however, I am not a writer, so this becomes a much more daunting task.  Maybe it is because of the nature of The Green Mile, but I have been feeling the urge to write about my work.  I have been working in a jail for almost five years now, and I have lots of crazy experiences to tell.  Jail isn't what you would expect.  There are no bars, just clear plexi-glass everywhere.  The floors are either concrete, or the kind of plastic laminate that you would expect to see in an older kitchen.  Every housing unit is referred to using the military phonetic alphabet, so Alpha all the way through Romeo.  There are six Pods, or control rooms, one through three being the old part of the facility, and four through six being the new part.  All of the old section of the jail is painted either a sickly pink color, or an unnatural green.  Every unit has an upstairs and a ground floor, with fourteen steps seperating them.  The bigger units have thirty two cells, and the smaller ones have only sixteen.  The old section of the jail is set up in a circle, with the medical section taking up the middle.  The new section of the jail is at the end of an extremely long hallway.  Everything in the new section is freshly painted, and everything is fairly clean and nice still.  The longer a facility is used to house people, the more those people do their best to destroy it.

I go through all of this so that you have at least some kind of an idea of how things are.  I will begin with a story or two when I post next.

-Nick

Some Exciting News!

I have exciting news!

And NO- don't you even THINK of what I think you're thinking about.....

Three things:

#1

I am 1 inch away from my goal measurement (in my hips!)

#2

We booked our honeymoon!

Oh my word, I can't even tell you how EXCITED we are!!!!

We will be going to Cabo San Lucas, and staying at the Riu Santa Fe, which is an all inclusive resort.  All the food, the room, the drinks, the beach, the pools....all wrapped in one amazingly priced package!

We have an ocean view room for 8 days and 7 nights.

Can we leave now please?

I'm not gonna lie.  I'm a little jealous of myself right now.

And I'm not trying to brag, I am just SO excited!  Afterall, you only get one honeymoon, right?  :)

Anyway, 

Exciting news #3

Remember how I've been planning to buy my car?

Well, we went in last night to do just that.

And after 3 hours of deliberations, considerations, and stipulations, we decided that it would be #1, more logical and #2 smarter in the long run to trade the car in and get a new one.  as scary as that was for me, we did it.  this way, I WILL keep track of my miles (I've learned a thing or two, you see) and I'll get out from under all the crappy mistakes I made with the last car, and be free and clear.   After this lease, I may buy the car because it will be a smokin deal.  We'll see.

Anyway, Introducing Le Brand New Car!

It is a 2011 Infiniti G37X.  Pretty much all the same features as my old car, without the sunroof, but WITH, cooler heated seats, 4 doors and All Wheel Drive.  The AWD did it for me.  Driving a super low to the ground rear wheel drive in Salt Lake City during the winter is just no fun at all- quite scary in fact.  I don't want to be scared every time I get in the car!  I also really like the 4 doors.  Going from a coupe to a sedan is so nice! i can actually fit people in my car now! who knew?  It's totally a grown-up-car.

The color is blue slate, and I really like it.  I never thought I'd like a blue car, but Infiniti classed it up!  It's kind of a metallic navy with gray in it.  Totally awesome.  I've been loving navy lately anyway.

and no, 

I don't want to talk about the payment, thank you.

So there's the exciting news of the moment!

Come back tomorrow for a pretty wicked cool post with some pretty wicked cool photos and a good story 

 :)

Weekend Recap and the Living Room Reveal!

This weekend was so much fun!  I love three day weekends, life just seems better with them, and therefore we should have them every weekend, don'tcha think?  

Anyway, we were unable to buy my car as I didn't have an appointment....which would have been nice to know.  That appointment is set up for tomorrow night, and I am fearful of it.

We did buy wedding invitation stuff, and figured out what we are going to do! Very excited about that one!

More details later....

We are booking the honeymoon TODAY!!!!  I am so excited I may wet myself.

Anyway, 

Over the weekend, we hung out with my parents, with the rest of the fam at a bbq, and went exploring.  We may or may not have committed a little B&E, or just the E part.... details on that tomorrow.

But for the stuff happening TODAY---->

First of all, I hope you all share my excitement in this:

This my friends, is a bitty baby green bell pepper!  I am so excited that my plants are working!  Its amazing how you can put a plant in the ground and it makes you food!  Right?

And now time for the Living Room!

This has taken me forever to "finish" because I keep getting distracted by other stuff. I still want to add a few more things....eventually.

Drum Roll Please..............................

It's soooo much brighter!

I added the white Curtains and Coffee Table

 And the cute shelf 

This corner is still ugly.  I need something for the wall.  Eventually, I'd like to get rid of the entertainment center for something that hides the tv....a big white armoir! yes, i think so!

I feel that the room is much lighter now! It has definitely helped lift my mood!

I brought in blues and reds  pinks and yellows and greens and lots and lots of white!

White is kind of my thing lately.

Pillows

The Blue glass cake stand is one of my favorite finds EVER.  and I just had to have the white globe from Target as soon as I saw it!

New white end tables. They don't match.  I like it that way.

I think I'll move the Ipod Dock.  It's kind of unsightly....

I also have a love for lanterns, apothecary jars and small succulants. 

Nick has a massive addiction to salt water taffy.

We have some new coasters.  They will get cuter in the weeks to come!

And that is the living room for now!

Once we get a house....I'll probably redo everything again!

But that's the fun in it!

Before:

After!

Being a Queen Isn't Always A Good Thing

Well, I don't have a lot to write about today, but I still wanted to post something.  I've been a serious slacker the past week.  Nothing too interesting has happened though.  Today will probably be another mishmash of random thoughts, which may or may not be entertaining.  I promise a more linear and organized post tomorrow though!

Anyway, I've been thinking about the last two posts.  They were a lil heavy.  And then, my head went in all different directions, but ended up at the same place in the end.  

It's Official.

I'm a brat.

Yep.  I've been acting selfish and annoyed, and negative.....and for what?  To be honest, my life is pretty stinkin amazing, and I just need to get over myself.

I have been complaining about money and wanting a house SOOOO bad  {and I still do}- and its all fine and dandy to want something and have a goal, but I forgot to mention how grateful I am for the place I'm already living.  Yeah, well played, D.

We have a great lil place!  Its not perfect, but then again, NO house is perfect.

But, Its nice and warm and cute and spacious, and I should quit being such a brat about how I want another one.

I need to be grateful for what I have.   Really need to work on that one.

Also, 

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and focusing on all that crap, I should put my focus on others.

I definitely feel the best when I'm making other people happy.

And that in turn, makes me happy.

I really do have a blessed life.

And I just act like a brat.

How silly.

That, my friends, is the new project.

Less anger

Less complaining

Less annoyment  {TOTALLY a legit word  :)  }

and MORE love

Compassion

Understanding

and Calm.

That sounds about right.

So I'm going to Make and Do and Act in ways that help and inspire others. 

Maybe then I'll find my answers to all the petty crap.

The end.

In other news, 

There are some pretty epic things going on this weekend

I'm going to {hopefully} buy out my car lease

We are planning on booking our honeymoon  {The details of that will be revealed after its set in stone}

We're buying the stuff to make our wedding invitations

The wedding is OFFICIALLY 3 months from tomorrow!  {eeep!}

I am planning on revealing {finally} our {mostly} finished living room!

We're bbqing at Jons, which means I'll make something yummy and prolly post a recipe

And finally, I need ideas for wedding hair.  its just about that time to book the appointments.  I would like to choose 2 different styles {one for the bridal photos and one for the actual wedding}

I'm having trouble with this because I pretty much hate my hair right now.  I'm wishing it was about 4 inches longer.  {and there is NO way it will grow that much in 2 months}

So, I could get extensions.  {expensive}

I could get a whef. lol.  {a clip in extension} I hear good things about those

or just deal.

So, Here are a few photos of stuff I'm kinda likin'

with numbers

and Y'all should vote- there will be a poll at the VERY VERYEST end of the page.  Vote!

Note: There will be NO veil, but a pretty fluffy hair clip thingy {to be determined}

Choice 1

Choice 2

Choice 3

Choice 4

kinda seems jr. prom to me, but whatever

Choice 5

Choice 6

That's all I got.

I'm at a total loss!

And, I am open to suggestions as well!

OK, ready.........GO VOTE!  --please!

Maybe Me Too?

So, first of all, I want you all to know, that I weighed and measured myself on Wednesday.  I have lost ONE pound {lol} BUT! the coolest part is, I have lost 2.25 inches in my waist! {not what I was going for, but I'll take it} and 1 inch in my hips!  {yay!}  I think that darn kettlebell kicks some serious booty.  Oh, and running is getting easier! YAHOO!!!

Moving on, 

My last post was kinda heavy, sorry about that.

Get ready for another one.

But this time I'm not sad.

More like, ridiculously terrified. haha.  {like its funny...}

We went to a Mortgage 101 class last night, put on by our bank.  we thought it would be a great opportunity to learn what we need to do in the process of buying a house, since we're totally clueless at this point.

What I learned was:

Buying a house takes a ton of money. {duh}

I need to have a low Debt-to-income-ratio.....OH CRAP.   {I think I stopped listening at this point, and had a total mental breakdown.}

Here's the deal:

In the scheme of things, we really don't have that much debt- as far as credit cards go....well, compared to some people.

But our cars......oh those stupid cars!!!!

I have not wanted an old beat up car once in my life until now.

My car payment is TOO HIGH.  in fact, its pretty ridiculous.

This is what I drive

Excuse my French, but you have to admit, this is a damn sexy car.

I love it in fact.  0-60 in 4 seconds.  Blue tooth, handsfree phone, BOSE stereo, IPOD dock, sunroof, heated seats, push button start, leather interior...... and did I mention, she's fast????   

and now, when I see her, all I can think is, 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!

Seriously. 

 Right now, its a lease {that I'm about to buy out, and I pray that that will lower my payment} 

I plan on buying this bad boy....er...girl memorial day weekend.  I think I'll go in alone with an extra coat of mascara to see if I can get me a really good deal! ;)

But really, the dudes at Infiniti are pretty awesome anyway.  Totally un-sleezy.

 still.....

we need to make more money.

Correction.

I need to make more money.  {Cops don't really get big raises, ya know}

So, 

What is it that I want to do?

Hmm.....

Well, I've been going to school for Mass Communications.....

And I"ve had my lil heart set on photography for OH SO LONG

but....

Right now, photography is inspiring me THE LEAST.

Kinda depressing, really

This past semester, I took an independent study with my all time fave professor on photography.

And I think it made me worse.

Or maybe just realize the truth.

It ended up being entirely too philosophical, and I left feeling like a failure

EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

and honestly, I think that was the point.

He wanted to instill a drive in us to be better, 

only I can find NO motivation for it. 

not ONE.SINGLE.BIT.

which makes me sad. Heartbroken, actually.

Granted, I could prolly make decent money doing it, but when it comes to art, it shouldn't be about the money.

no, it should be about the love for it.  the vision. the passion.

Passion is a big deal with me, in fact.

if I'm not passionate about something, I can't do it.  {well, I can't make it believable}

I need something that inspires me

something that makes me happy

something I don't have to try too hard to do.

well......

I'm kinda thinkin' graphic design is my thing right now.

remember how I said last post that I wanted to do art prints?

Remember how I told you I love paper and typography?

I think this may be a sign.

I've been brainstorming Stationary in my head for months

among other cute and fun crafts.

Maybe I need an ETSY shop?

Would you shop at it?

I have been reading blogs.  Lots of em.

Four, of them religiously to be completely specific

I've mentioned Emily over at Jones Design Company before.

{she's amazing.  read her stuff.  Click here to find her, you know you want to}

That's what she does- besides being super woman. 

She is darling, and has been such an inspiration to my creative side.  I think she and I are a lot alike.

Just like me, she has the undeniable need to create.

and she had this difficulty too!

and now she's successful.

she supplements the income nicely and is able to stay home with her kids.

this is also a goal of mine......someday.

And then there is {another} Emily  {My new fave blog diva}

to view her amazing blog, click here

she writes about lots of awesome stuff

but SHE has a dream of a lil ETSY shop too!

I just read that the other day!

and she's scared to do it, 

just like me.

but I think she should go for it!

Maybe me too?

I love these women.  reading their blogs makes me feel like I know them.

Even though I don't.

I wish I did!

It's really nice to find people that feel the same things you do, ya know?

Anyway, I'm thinkin here:

If I work up some stuff

and post it on my lil blog here

would you guys be willing to vote?

Give me critiques?

Some support and encouragement to help me in my lil artistic journey?

And be real with me if I suck?  {I won't be offended!}

Not only is this kind of thing very exciting and fullfilling sounding to me

but its flexible.

I can do it at night

and on weekends

at home.

And eventually, home with my kids.

Because I already work and have school full time, 

I don't have time to get a second job,

and we all know that Nick can't be the one to get one.

He might die from all that stress.

Plus, like I said before, 

I want success. and I want it to be at something I love

Something that fulfills me

something where I can {hopefully} inspire others

and something where I can create.

Whatcha think?

Needing Some Kind of Inspiration

It's something most of us struggle with at some point in our lives, has its ups and downs, but is crucial for our well being.  What am I talking about?  Self Esteem!

Over the past few years, I've definitely struggled with this..... a lot.  Half the time, I didn't even really know how to put my finger on it, but there it was anyway.

I was a {painfully} shy kid, always hanging with the adults because I wasn't {always} sure how to act around others my age.  Don't get me wrong, I had some great friends as a kid, but I was usually the follower in every situation, the sheep, if you will.

I always felt different.  Mostly because I was an only child, spoiled with toys, and didn't understand the lives of my friends who had siblings and lots of "family stuff" that kept them from being able to play all the time. I was also pretty smart, with a photographic memory, so others thought I was weird for knowing some random fact, or remembering all kinds of details.  {If you knew my dad, you'd know where I got the random facts thing}

At the end of 5th grade, however, I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. {A very long blog post in itself}  I had to wear a backbrace 20 hours a day while I was in 6th grade- which meant I had to wear it to school.  Can you say, LAME?  It's not a pity party or anything, but that definitely contributed to my "weirdness"  

Not until 8th grade did I meet some of the best friends I'd ever had. I had fabulous teachers, and I started moving out of the "awkward teenage girl stage" -- you know what I mean.   The braces came off, I got contacts, and I felt a whole lot more "normal"

Anyway, I continued to come out of my shell, and once in high school, I made {and lost} a whole bunch of good buddies.  In fact, I was into the whole drama thing {Can you say DRAMA NERD?} and was even the President of the Drama Club, and had the lead in the musical my senior year.  

Well, at this point, I think my popularity turned into arrogance.  Looking back now, I think, "Man, I was such a b.....} you get the point.

From then on, I kind of faded into the background again, and my self esteem reached its lowest point through my first few years of college.  {doesn't matter why; in reality, I don't know why} Then I got it back, {enter, Nick}  but I still feel lacking.

Now that I'm an adult, and a whole lot more reasonable with more life experience, I know what I need to do to feel more confident.  I've thought long and hard about what I need to feel more confident, and have come up with a short list of some {really} quick fixes.

As I said, I still feel lacking in the self esteem department from time to time.  Definitely NOT around Nick.  In fact, he makes me feel like a princess {one of the MANY MANY reasons why I love him}

But around others, I feel like I still have something to prove.  {Another trait I inherited from my dad, and probably the one I dislike the most}  I want to feel important, contributive, talented, liked, loved and needed. In society as well as in my own head. --The latter being the hardest to fix.

But, the adult me also tells me that if I don't like something, I need to change it-take control and make it happen.  

This is something I've been doing for a long time now, but am also trying to add things to- to be more well rounded, if you will.

Lately, as we've been planning our wedding, I've been thinking about the future, and I'm kinda wondering what it is that I'm good at or what I want to do......and, well, that's where the lack of confidence comes in.

Some of the things that help me maintain my confidence are:

Take a shower every morning.

Duh, right?  

Well, some people shower at night, some people shower in the morning, and some people only shower when they get a second.

A morning shower is a big priority for me because it helps me feel that I'm starting the day out fresh.  {Nothing kills a self-esteem-high worse than a bad hair day, right?}

Putting on makeup

I'm not trying to be superficial- in fact, there are a lot of days where I don't wear makeup, but having my face done makes me feel "put together" and like I have enough self respect to want to look presentable, especially at work.

{Note, I'm sure this one is all in my head.  It's not a diss to those of you who don't wear makeup for whatever reason}  

{try to}  Dress Cute

This goes along with the whole "put-together" thing.

It's true, when you feel like you look good, nothing can stop you.  Now, I'm not the most fashion forward gal you've ever met, but I try my best to match, and to wear clothes that fit my body like they should.  It's another form of self expression for me; my lil artsy self.

Exercise

We all know how I struggle with this one.

But ever since I've started working out on a regular basis, I feel a lot better about myself.  Even though I'm not at my goal size, I feel like I'm making some progress, and I feel stronger.  That's the point.  I love that feeling.  {Plus I looooove those endorphins!}

Affirmations

This wonderful thing is made by Emily at Jones Design Company.  I love it! It's an excerpt from Psalm 139, verse 14 to be exact  :)

to purchase it, click here  it's worth it.  Her blog and site are my FAVORITE to visit.  You'll love her too, I promise.

Anyway, the saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" is good and all, but I think we too often forget the incredible power of words.  I love words.  More than anything, I love to read them. Affirmations are great lil ditties to tell yourself when you're feeling like....well, like you need some confidence.  {I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh Darnit! People like me!}  :)

I'm actually thinking of designing some art prints along these lines to hang in my house  {as well as purchasing this one from Emily} I've actually got a few on the drawing board.  more on that tomorrow!

Helping People

When I help someone, or am kind to them, it makes me feel oh so good.  About myself, about them and about life in general.  Afterall, we all want to feel important.  Making someone feel that is such a joy, and for me, makes me feel like a better person.  Double bonus!

Having great friends to confide in

ha, this photo made me smile.

I need more good friends.....ones whom I have stuff in common with.

It helps to have those we can talk to.  I'm pretty sure we all go through the same stuff......so why does it seem like such a big deal?  Good people can cheer you up faster than most things!

A warm Puppy.

ok, maybe this doesn't inspire much confidence, but it sure makes me happy!  :)

Anyway, I'm searching for ways to make myself a better person- in every aspect.   Sometimes we all need a confidence boost, and these are some things I'm going to work on.

Not that you need confidence.  I hope this post doesn't sound preachy.....More like me thinking out loud.  Hopefully I didn't sound arrogant.  I REALLY don't want to sound arrogant!

Anyway, I'm not really sure where this is going.

I think I just needed to talk about my self esteem issues for a minute. 

Thanks for reading it!

Do you struggle with your self esteem from time to time?

what inspires confidence in you?